No Fear - The Gospel of AIB
To believe in God you have to have faith. You have to have faith that God exists. In order to trust Science you have to trust that what Science says is true. But to BE you don't have to do anything, but experience. If you can do this with courage, you will see... that with courage the Mind is free.
I feel like I am finally landing after many years working with ayahuasca (and iboga), but mainly ayahuasca. It has been a long healing process, and it still continues... but I really feel emotionally healed. Much more than I anticipated.
Been thinking about no fear for the last couple of years. I guess it comes from being afraid. Truly afraid. Afraid of the infinite.
I recall as a kid feeling dizzy and a bit freaked out when I tried to perceive the vastness of the universe and of time... what eternity truly was...
About ten years ago I had a horrible dream. I was sleeping in my flat and I heard/sensed a presence outside my door. I knew something was entering the room. I got up, rushed to the door to see/stop it... I was met by the most white light imaginable. The sound of the light was like knives to my ears. It was harrowing.
I woke up screaming.
Then later in life when I had my ayahuasca/iboga experiences I beheld God. But I dislike the word God... I prefer The Light. Although even that is a futile word, but the best I have at the moment.
It freaked me out many times. I was appalled at the magnitude of it. I felt like a feather trying to make sense of a hurricane.
But then I also saw/experienced how to accept it. Accept the Force. Accept the Light. Accept God. I cannot think of the better words. I cannot explain this aware immaterial bubble we are in. Because we are in God.
Yes Aware Immaterial Bubble, or AIB is what I will call God in this essay.
To embrace AIB we (and by we I mean I - no pun intended), must have no fear. No fear is a peaceful mind. Such a state is true power. To be at peace in any situation. Not apathetic. Aware. But at peace.
And how do I achive peace? By being pure. Still of heart and mind. Still is as in loyal. Pure as in clean. Of mind and of heart. I have already been in such states... increasingly lately... but never fully all of the time. It comes and goes at shorter intervals. It is very new for me.
My emotional life from birth to the present has been (chronologically): Confusion - Angst - Anger - Hate - Seeking - [Present].
To be fearless is easy if you have a clear, still, pure and devoted (yes, devoted to the AIB) mind or state of being.
In one ayahuasca ceremony I had a vision of ant ant trying to dakren the sun with its shadow, and then I saw a pitch black void being destroyed by the flame of a single match.
Why fear that which is inevitable?
The classic battle of god and evil is illusionary when you have no fear. How can evil exist if there is no fear? A girl is raped and killed. But if she experienced the ordeal with peace of mind... accepting the pain... riding the wave... letting go of her family... stillness of the mind... not blaming the rapist, letting go again... only love, and knowing that this is just another wave... and in the light, between the realms/levels just going back in for a breather... or full on immersion. Depending on how brave you are.
It does not mean I will allow myself to be a victim, but sometimes we experience we are... and I will try to accept the inevitable... whatever it may be...
There is no evil. Nothing can corrupt AIB. AIB is not good. AIB is not evil. In the truly high state there is only love/light. The shadow of an ant cannot darken the sun. And the smallest flame can destroy any magnitude of darkness.
Love for me is like how I imagine the flower feels about the sun. It fully accepts it.
The other week I had my second dream of AIB.
In the second dream AIB was a purple/indigo light and I was just before it. It was AIB in all its glory. Without fear. And I opened my eyes. Wide awake. Staring straight into the eyes of my girlfriend who was already awake. "What..." she said a bit startled. "I saw God!" I exclaimed (this was before I had come up with AIB).
After having thought about all this a lot in the last few years... on a deep personal level... and through strong emotinal experiences... I now accept it.
These two dreams mark the beginning and conclusion of ten years of pondering and trying these ideas out on a practical level. I accept that the only way to really transmute is to accept or embrace no fear. In order to achieve some sort of leveling up on all levels then acceptance is key. And it requires surrender. But not defeat.
I have always accepted it. Long before I was I.
We are not fallen. We have only accepted to temporarily NOT accept that everything is already accepted!!!
I have read somewhere (don't know the source) that FEAR is False Experience Appearing Real. Nothing can be more true.
I am basically saying I accept fear... I will not resist it, because there is nothing to resist... I accept love... I will not resist it... because it is all there is. I embrace the experience... and I accept that I might be utterly wrong... because why fear failure?
Even if everything I just wrote is bullshit I fully accept that.
This is the path I will, and have been, trying to walk these last few years and so far it does seem to grant me greater peace of mind than anything I have tried in the past.
It is truly Alex 2.0. LOL! I honestly am not the same anymore. I don't think it has been visible to anyone in my life. Maybe a little - to some, but certainly not as visible as it has been for me, because I have always had a pokerface (even without being aware of it).
It has been a quiet explosion inside brewing for the last five years or so...
No Fear - Only Love
It sounds like a catchphrase, but hopefully this essay brings some weight to it.
I had a darkness and sadness inside me for so long. It feels like it is gone. I am sure to slip on a few banana peels, but I'll be ready...
The experience is the experience. Not the other way around.
I feel at peace... more so than ever before in my life.
I cannot speak of any other method as I have no experience at all, but for me, ayahuasca truly works. I am crying writing these words. Truly.
Ayahuasca is amazing! Sometimes it takes years for one ceremony to land in your spirit. It is like a long gentle, but firm, wave of an experience - internally - that goes on long after drinking it. It stays with you. I do not say I recommend anyone to drink it. I am just saying that for me it has done so much good.
Wow. That is how it has been. I am impressed. I have not expected this to happen to me. When I started investigating shamanic healing techniques I never did so with any intention to heal myself. Subconsciously perhaps I hoped, I wished... but I never thought I could actually feel better inside. It has been a surprise. I have been blessed with much more than I could ever have anticipated.
My words are just letters. I've tried documenting my ayahuasca (and iboga) experiences, because I have always been a student/researcher... I want to investigate... but ayahuasca does not care about that. It truly heals people. My God... I mean My AIB.
I have had real emotional troubles. I have been suicidal. Those emotions have vanished. I cannot believe it.
But I accept it. And why not?
Natural Born Alchemist © 9 April 2015